Hi
by Northern One
Summary: A one shot dedicated to the one person who turned him inside out without even asking. He'd never thought he'd feel the way he felt about her. Destined to a life of solitude, he'd never in a million years imagined anyone like her. SheppardOC.


**Hi_._**

_One-shot Sheppard/OC_

_Disclaimer_: I don't own anything mentioned in this story except for Kristen.

_Note: This is a very rough one shot, so please excuse grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, etc. I didn't edit this much at all; I sat down one night with the intention to write a Sheppard/OC fic and came out with this instead. So please, go easy on the criticism and just let me know how it is, okay?  
_

* * *

"I already requested to be on Lorne's Team"

Silence.

She watched his brow knit slowly, his green eyes crinkle as he mulled over the bomb she just dropped. The proverbial line had just been drawn, and she could see the gears churning in his head as he realized that the ball was now in his court. He was a champion at making decisions that affected the lives of millions, but if it was something she'd learned recently, it was that he wasn't as deft with decisions when it came to his own life.

"Going on missions together just wasn't working. You were always too worried about me and I was too worried about you to be in any way efficient. So I requested the transfer. I have a meeting with Woolsey tomorrow to explain why I think switching teams is best so I don't think I'll be with you much longer" she said, her hands slipping into her black cargo, military issued Atlantis fatigues. Her left hand played with silver eagle ring she had on her middle finger, a ring he'd commented on so many times before about how it was perfect for her. An eagle was noble, majestic, fierce, independent, determined, and wise. Everything he'd ever said he appreciated about her.

"Kristen, I..." he started. His face was slightly pained as he took a half step forward, hands out, in an emphatic pose that tugged at her heart strings a little.

"I know. Me neither" she said, cutting him off, sparing them both the awkward talk of him trying to verbalize his feelings. He didn't have to. She understood. She could see it just by looking at his eyes that he'd never meant for this to happen. He'd never meant for her to be removed from the best team onto the b-squad. But more than anything, he'd never meant to hurt her the way he could see she was hurt now. It was never his intention to hurt her, and it was never her intention to let herself be hurt the way she was.

"Bye John" she said, her voice echoing the definitiveness of the statement. It wasn't just bye for now, I'll see you tomorrow. It was bye, relationship over. Bye, everything over.

She turned slowly and headed out of the jumper bay, her black combat boots carrying her steadily back to her quarters without hesitation. Her ability to continue functioning under the most strenuous of circumstances was what got her the job on Atlantis, so it came as no surprise to her that her ability to be normal remained even though a hurricane of emotions was brewing inside of her.

---------

She'd arrived on Atlantis half a year ago, freshly promoted to Major after a tour of Afghanistan with her Canadian Corps. Her time in the military had been well spent; in company to being a Major, she was also a Doctor of Geology with extensive knowledge in fossils and animal invertebrate. She'd stuck around the Royal Military College in Canada to get her PhD and eventually climbed the ranks to Major. That's when she was drafted for Atlantis.

She was 25 at the time she was drafted, but it took about a year of training and debriefing before she was actually fit for off-world duty. She still remember what it was like getting beamed up onto the Daedalus for the first time and the three weeks it took to get to the Pegasus galaxy; that gnawing sense of being trapped and just wanting to be home as she impatiently waited on the spaceship, occupying her time by training in hand to hand combat and weaponry. In fact, by the time she had finally landed at Atlantis, she was the best marksmen on the base, out shooting even Colonel Sheppard. That's how she met him.

They had hit it off almost instantly. After she and several other new recruits had landed in Atlantis, they began training for a new position on Colonel Sheppard's team; he wanted to add another military man/woman to his ranks as their run ins with the wraith had become all the more frequent. He picked her out easily from the rest; her quiet but confident, determined but easy going nature was something he readily identified with since he was exactly the same. She wasn't the best fighter, but she could draw, shoot, and reload faster than anyone he'd ever met and was a deadly shot; they'd tested her accuracy once and found that it was around 96%, 4% higher than his own and 1% higher than Ronan's. Yeah, she was that good.

She got the spot on his team and that's when they really got to know each other. She'd always prided herself on her ability to seamlessly transition into any new environment; in just a week, she felt as if she had been on Sheppard's team for months and the rest of them the same. She'd bonded with each of them independently and got to know them, a skill she knew was valuable in the field. The better you know your team mates, her commander always said, the safer you can feel. Needless to say, after just a week, she felt quite safe, especially with a guy like Ronan on her side.

The more she got to know Sheppard though, the more she started to develop feelings for him. They were quite similar; independent, military, quietly confident, passionate, and dedicated. But they also had stark differences; where Kristen was direct with her feelings, John shyed away and avoided talking about feelings like they were the plague. Where John was hot headed and a little narrow minded, Kristen had the ability to see the bigger picture and controlled her temper better. Their biggest difference though, was how they dealt with themselves. Where Kristen easily identified what she wanted and made no apologies in her attempts to get it, John put his own wants on the back burners as he focused on his job.

They got quite close in a short amount of time. The bond they'd managed to form in weeks seemed impenetrable to outsiders and insiders alike. They trusted each other wholly and knew each other like the back of their own hands; in just a month, she'd managed to get to know him better than he knew himself. He'd opened up to her in a way he'd never opened up to anyone else on the base, probably, she guessed, because they were so similar. He saw the most important parts of himself in her, and vice versa, and they bonded over their similarities.

Their courtship had grown slowly, and had started off quite small. She still remembered the very first thing he'd ever done for her that went beyond the bounds of just friendship. They had gone on a mission to explore a rumoured to be uninhabited planet when they'd been ambushed by a company of rouge fighters with rudimentary weapons. She'd taken an arrow to the back as they'd retreated through the gate to Atlantis and to this day, she still remembered the look in his eyes when he'd realized she was injured. He spent every hour of his free time during her recovery period at her bedside.

In retrospect, that should have been the first sign that things weren't going to work out.

After that day, things very slowly began to change. Their relationship had become something more, something neither of them had ever prepared themselves for. She hadn't anticipated feeling the way she felt. When they went off world, it felt as if a strong hand held her heart within its fingers every time they encountered the wraith. It was more than just fighting them off and getting back to Atlantis alive. It was making sure he didn't get hurt and got back in one piece. His safety was beginning to rise in her priorities list, and his with her was the same.

It was a lot easier for him, though. There had been more than a few times during their relationship where she genuinely feared for his safety, but it was a couple more times than she knew he ever worried. She was ranked underneath him so whenever he ordered her to retreat to the gate while he fended off an attack, she obeyed deftly albeit begrudgingly. She was never the one on the suicide missions or against the odds attacks mainly because he always ordered her to get the hell away. It frayed her nerves every time he ordered to go, leaving him on his own. She wanted nothing more but to get back to his side and fight off whatever was attacking them, but she knew her place in the chain of command.

The first few times, she didn't question his motives. Her military response kicked in every time she was ordered to retreat or to let him pull off a suicide mission on his own. But after a while, she began to really wonder why he was always so adroit about telling her to get back to the gate. She still remembered when she realized that it was more than her just getting back to Atlantis. They'd done a search and rescue mission after three biologists had been captured off world at a planet where they'd been helping locals cultivate their crops. They were half a mile from the gate after infiltrating a wraith facility when they suddenly came under attack; the cover of night they'd gone in with suddenly light up with the presence of wraith stunners and almost immediately, he ordered her to retreat to the gate with the biologists and Teyla while he and Ronan stayed to fend off the wraith. She hesitated for a second, her mouth opening to retort, but he was having none of that.

"Kristen, go" he said, his eyes squinting a little as his head cocked ever so slightly, a sign, she knew, that meant he wasn't fucking around. A stunner beam grazed the top of his head, not hitting its target solely due to Ronan's deftness as he pushed Sheppard to the side in the nick of time. Kristen fired her P90 into the fray in response before looking back at Sheppard. All she had to do was look into his eyes and that's when she understood why he always sent her back. He couldn't concentrate on fending them off if he knew she was in danger, so he sent her back in an attempt to focus his attention on fending off the attack in general without having to worry about whether or not she was stunned, shot, or even worse, dead. The further she was from the attack, the better he could protect her. And all it took was a look.

She was flattered by this, for a few weeks. She was inexplicably thrilled by the fact that she meant so much to him, but after a while, she started to tire of always getting pushed to the wayside whenever they were in danger. She was also starting to tire of always feeling like a nervous wreck as she retreated while he fought, and it was start to affect her in the field. Just two weeks ago, a bullet from a gun narrowly missed her head as she had turned back to look for John. Had she moved a centimetre in either direction, she would have been dead. That's when she'd realized that things weren't working the way they were. Something needed to change.

They talked about it relentlessly that night, and when she said they, she meant she did. She laid out for John the things she wasn't happy about. She wasn't happy that he was always pushing her out of combat and she wasn't happy being treated as fragile. If it's one thing she didn't like feeling as if she was, it was fragile. She told him that she was grown up and could fend for herself, and that if he had really wanted a military figure on his team then he'd better start treating her that way. A shouting match ensued almost right after she said that, as he yelled that he wasn't about to apologize for trying to keep her safe. She could still hear his voice ringing in her head.

-

"_You said you wanted another military figure on your team but you're treating me as if I'm a child. I'm a Major, John. I'm more then competent enough to cover my own ass in the field that I don't need you doing it for me" she griped as her voice raised slightly, arms folded over her chest in an aggressive stance. Her body language was mimicked in him three meters away as he glared angrily at her, trying to keep his temper down and not snap at her the way he was dying to._

"_I don't know what you want me to do, Kristen" he said through gritted teeth._

_She glared almost menacingly at him; she hated that he was almost incapable of just saying how he felt. She knew that all she had to do was push a few more buttons before he just broke._

"_I'm saying stop trying to protect me. Sending me to the gate whenever there's even a ruffle of leaves is ridiculous, and you know it. I appreciate the sentiment, but if I had known that this is what the job was going to entail, I never would have taken it" she sniped lowly, her eyes narrowing ever so slightly._

"_Ok, that's it" he started, striding forward to close the distance between them._

_Snap._

"_I'M NOT GOING TO SIT HERE AND APOLOGIZE FOR TRYING TO KEEP YOUR SAFE. IT'S MY JOB AS YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER TO MAKE SURE YOUR ASS GETS BACK TO ATLANTIS IN ONE PIECE, IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?" he yelled, the distance between them closed to about a foot as his eyes locked almost threateningly onto her's._

"_YEAH, THAT I GET, BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE DOING! YOU'RE BABYING ME! YOU THINK I'M ACTUALLY _LEARNING_ ANYTHING? YOU ORDER ME BACK TO THE BASE AT SO MUCH AS A SNAP OF A TWIG JOHN! YOU'RE DELUDED IF WHAT YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING TO ME IS WITHIN YOUR JOB DECRIPTION, BECAUSE IT'S NOT. I DON'T EVEN SEE A POINT ON ME GOING ON MISSIONS WITH YOU ANYMORE IF ALL I'M GOING TO DO IS BE ORDERED BACK AT EVEN THE HINT OF TROUBLE" she yelled back at him, her arms extending enthusiastically to prove her points. _

"_WELL IF THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRANSFER TO LORNE'S TEAM" he yelled back before turning on his heel and marching right out of her quarters._

----

She knew he hadn't meant what he had said, but after it became very clear that what they had going on was compromising both of them, she knew it had to end. His constant need for her to be safe was compromising her integrity as a Major and she wasn't about to let that happen. Either he sucked it up and let her fight for herself, or they ended it. She got her answer just days ago, when they went on their first mission after the fight. They were heading back to gate after meeting with some potential trading partners when the gate activated and three darts and about twenty or so wraith came through the portal. He ordered Teyla to take care of the five or so wraith guarding the gate, while he and Ronan ran back to the village to warn them. He turned to her last.

"Leal, I need you to head back to Atlantis and get Lorne and a team of marines. We're also going to need a jumper to get rid of the darts, or at least anti-aircraft weapons" he said with military precision.

"Yes sir, I'll return with Lorne and a jumper as soon as I can" she said, nodding her head before turning to leave with Teyla.

"No, you stay once you get back to Atlantis" he said, without even looking at her.

"Sir?"

"That's an order, Major"

She took a second and looked at him dead in the eyes. He could read from her expression that he'd just irreparably damaged whatever they had. She turned and set off as soon as she was sure he understood that.

She waited that entire night for him to knock on her door, enter, and awkwardly stumble through sentences that in the end, would amass to him saying that he was sorry he babied her, it was only because he didn't want her to get hurt, and that if them being together meant him backing off, then so be it. He'd stress the point that he wanted her, and that he'd only ever tried to protect her to keep his own sanity; that he wouldn't know what he would have done if he'd lost her. She sat on her bed, dressed in full fatigues, for the entire night.

He never showed.

She took a shower around 8 the next morning, her eyes baggy from an entire night of no sleep and her joints achy. The water rejuvenated her slightly as she thought about everything and whether or not she'd made the right decision. He'd only ever tried to protect her, but he was preventing her from doing what she came here to do. She was flattered that he cared so much, but angered by his inability to just let her do her job. She had very deep feelings for him, deeper feelings than she'd ever felt for any man, but she wasn't going to let him treat her as if she were some fragile piece of china. She deserved respect, respect, she felt, she wasn't getting from him.

But she so desperately wanted to be with him. Although their relationship had only ever touched the outer limits of physical, she remembered the few, brief moments where they'd made contact. She remembered the feeling of his arms wrapped tightly around her body, as if to protect her even further shortly after she'd received news that her grandmother had passed away. She remembered when he held her hand during her hospital visit after getting shot with the arrow. She also remembered the feeling of his lips ever so slightly brushing against her's during a mission.

They'd be dispatched to invade and take down a wraith research and development facility and their situation had gone from bad to dire in mere minutes. He'd sent Ronan and Teyla to go round up the others while Kristen stayed with him, guarding his back as he laid charges on essential systems in the control room. They'd just began to retreat when he realized that his remote detonator had been damaged and she had given her's to Mackay so that they could simultaneously detonate mere minutes before. There was a tense second where they both realized what it meant and then he ordered her to head back to the gate while he stayed to detonate from the room.

---------

"_John, that's suicide. We can still cripple them with the other systems we have rigged to blow, let's just go" she argued as he walked back into the control room. She heard him adjust the systems for manual detonation and then turned to meet her._

"_Look, Kristen, just get back to the gate. I've got at least two seconds after hitting detonation to clear the room, so you know...maybe I can get out" he rationalized, jerking his head to the side a few times, using traditional John Sheppard logic._

_She sighed. She knew he was just saying that so it wouldn't seem as if he was going to die, but she could see right through it._

"_John, this is crazy, if we don't leave now we're going to die in the explosion" she said, looking at her clock that read approximately 3 minutes till detonation._

"_Kristen, go" he ordered finally, cocking his head ever so slightly to the side and looking at her with those gorgeous green eyes she'd become so fond of. She was lost for a minute, forgetting even where she was, and for a fraction of a second, let her guard down. He saw how torn she was and for a second, let his down as well. It was like she could see into his soul for just a few seconds._

"_John..." she said in a quite voice, whisper-like. She felt her eyes glass over ever so thinly as she mulled over the thought of him dying here. She didn't want to go. She, for a split second, realized that she'd rather die here with him than go back to Atlantis without him._

_He must have read that thought as it played through her head because he turned back around and rested his hands on either side of the control panel, shoulders hunched, head down. She watched as he growled almost angrily and then punched one side of the console before turning, walking over to her, and taking her head into his hands._

_It grew eerily quiet. They could both here the light staccato of distance weapons fire, but for the moment, it was just the two of them. She closed her eyes and let the feeling of his thumb running itself slowly over her cheek and lips overwhelm her. This is what she wanted. She wanted him._

_Although it didn't linger, she felt his lips press themselves almost ghost-like onto her's. The sweetness of it almost killed her as he pulled back, giving her one last searing look before returning back to the control panel._

"_Go"_

_-------------_

It was one of the most vivid of her memories.

After her shower, she headed down to the mess hall to grab breakfast before her meeting with Woolsey. She already knew what she was going to say; she felt as if the sudden leap from new recruit to senior team member was a little too large for her and she'd rather take a position on a secondary team to learn the ropes before jumping back into such an important role. She knew he'd understand; it was the bureaucratic bullshit he'd eat up and stamp her to the b-team without batting an eyelash. It wasn't what she really wanted though; she enjoyed the responsibility she had on Sheppard's team, but she knew it was for the best.

By the end of the day, she was training with Lorne's team in the gym, sparring with another marine. She'd just been knocked on her ass when she banged the mat below her in frustration, closing her eyes as she willed herself to get back up and continue fighting. She was just opening her eyes when she saw a hand extend out to her to help her up. She reached out and took it, allowing herself to be helped up when she realized who it was. Standing above her was John, his arm extended as she got to her feet. She brushed some loose tendrils of hair out of her face as she steadied herself, running the back of her hand over her brow to get rid of some beads of sweat.

"You okay?" he asked as he dismissed the marine who had been sparring with her, looking at her with critical eyes.

She gave him a piercing look with her eyes before scoffing in laughter, putting her hands on her hips and looking down. She shook her head.

"You've got to be shitting me" she said before turning and walking to her bag, bending down to grab her water bottle.

"Excuse me?" she heard him say almost incredulously as he followed her over there, keeping a safe distance. She pulled off her tear away track pants to reveal a pair of black tight sports shorts that hugged her thighs. She wiped her face with a towel and then threw it back into her bag before turning around to face him.

"I said, you've got to be shitting me" she said, giving her arms a good stretch before walking back over to the sparing mat. She nodded at the marine she had been fighting with but John waved him away, taking a stance in front of her instead.

She was a little surprised by her own brashness. Despite her anger towards him, John was still a commanding officer. But apparently, her anger overtook her military training to respect her superiors.

"You know, I don't understand you. All I have ever done is try and protect you" he said as they began circling around each other slowly.

"And it never occurred to you that maybe that was the problem? That I didn't need protecting?" she said, lunging towards him. The next series of movements happened so quickly that she barely had time to process what was going on and before she knew it, John was stumbling backwards after being elbowed in the gut. She heard an echoing 'oooh' from the crowd that had gathered around them.

She'd never been a particularly good hand to hand combat fighter, so it came as a surprise to both of them when she'd managed to out manoeuvre him and elbow him the way she did.

"I don't understand how me protecting you would be a problem" he griped as he recovered, their circle dance beginning again.

"Because I'm trained to protect myself. I know how to take care of myself in combat Sheppard, I'm a god damn Major for crying out loud. Not some freshly enlisted private who couldn't fire a gun without instructions" she said, preparing herself for his attack that she knew was coming. Almost on cue, he lunged forward and this time, when the dust settled seconds later, she was on her knees after getting the back of her legs kicked out. She growled almost menacingly.

"It doesn't matter. We've been through this Leal, it's my job as your commanding officer to –" he started.

She scoffed, getting back to her feet and brushing the hair out of her face.

"Spare me the lecture, I've already heard it, remember? Look, all it comes down to is your inability to respect me" she sniped.

He stopped moving and stood up straight, looking at her dead in the eyes.

"Everyone, out. Now" he ordered, without taking his eyes off of her.

He waited till the room was clear to speak again.

"You think I don't _respect_ you?" he said, taking a step forward with one side, his head turned to the side and a hand out to her.

"Well, what the hell else can it be? You always send me away, so yeah, it made me think that you just thought I was this fragile little thing who couldn't take care of herself. I don't get it John. You're wonderful when we're not on a mission but...I don't think I can be as fragile as you want me to be" she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

He shook his head.

"That's not it at all Kristen, and I think you know that" he said, cocking his head even further to the side.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't"

He looked at her, straightened his pose, and squinted his eyes.

"What the hell is that even suppose to mean" he sighed, looking at her with an empathetic look. He could see where their conversation was going and he wanted a way out. A way that, before, she would have been more than willing to give to him. But not now.

"It means that yeah, maybe I do know why you sent me back to the gate all those times. But at the same time, maybe I don't since you've never had the nerve to just tell me how you feel" she said, not moving an inch.

He searched her eyes for a second, sighed, then began.

"I guess I...this isn't easy for me. When things ended with Nancy, I sorta resigned myself to a military life, hence why I'm in a different galaxy, on my own. I never thought I'd become...involved with someone else, especially not here. But I'm trying. Kristen, you have to at least give that to me, I'm trying" he said, pleading.

She stood firm.

"That's not telling me how you feel. Why do you feel the need to protect me?" she prodded.

"Because I don't know what I would do if you got hurt or died, okay! The further you are from danger, the more I can focus on what I'm supposed to be doing and the better it is for all of us. You cloud my judgement whenever you are around and I can't have that. You saw what happened in the field that one time, I almost got stunned and you almost got shot. It's just...I didn't think I'd feel this way. Not after Nancy" he said, ending with his voice almost a bare whisper.

She sighed. He'd said almost everything she'd wanted him too, so she took a step forward, closing the distance between them,

"And how do you feel" she whispered to her.

"That I don't know what I'd do if I lost you" he gruffed in a low voice.

She crossed her arms over her chest and surveyed him. She knew this was the best she was going to get.

She sighed, dropped her hands, looked down and then closed the distance between them. His arms almost instinctively went around her waist and her's around his neck.

This felt too right to fight it anymore.

"Good enough for me"

----

"So is he a good kisser?"

She choked on her water, spitting it out off the ledge as the pretty blonde woman standing next to her chuckled. Kristen was one of the prudest women she'd ever, especially when it came to sexual related stuff. Kristen clammed up like a fish out of water whenever the conversation turned towards sex, and since she and Rodney were the only two people on the base that they thought knew about her and John dating, she'd be exploiting this almost habitually as of late.

"Excuse me?" Kristen choked, coughing to get the water out of her lungs.

Jennifer just laughed.

"You heard me. Is he a good kisser?" she asked again, eliciting the typical response from Kristen which was a gentle blush of her cheeks.

"Jennifer, you know I don't like talking about my relation—" Kristen started awkwardly

"Oh shut up. It's not as if I'm asking you what he's like in the sack, I'm asking if he's a good kisser. Not a big deal" Jennifer rationalized, cutting her off, although she knew very well for Kristen it was indeed a big deal.

Kristen cleared her throat.

"Yes, he's a good kisser. Quite good" Kristen said with military directness, before letting the blush unleash itself across her entire face as she grinned.

"Knew it. Teldy owes me twenty bucks" Jennifer exclaimed almost instantaneously, clapping her hands together and doing a slight jig.

Kristen blanched.

"What? Teldy? Wait, she knows about me and John?" Kristen asked in a hushed voice, even though the pair of them were alone on a balcony after eating lunch and catching up.

"Kristen, clue in. Almost everyone knows" Jennifer sighed, packing up her lunch and standing up.

"But, but, but-t-t-t" Kristen stuttered, hazardly packing up her own lunch before following Jennifer out into a transporter.

"I thought you and Rodney were the only two that knew" she said in a hushed voice, as if people would over hear them as they transported cross the city.

"Kristen, come on. It doesn't take a genius. He never leaves the control room when you're off world, he's always waiting for you when you get back and you two are almost always together. It's almost painfully obvious" Jennifer rationalized as they walked to her office. They'd just stepped into the infirmary when they spotted their two paramours, John and Rodney, sitting around Jennifer's desk.

"Did you know that everyone knows about us?" Kristen said suddenly as Sheppard came into view. She watched him make an almost painful face expression before nodding. She groaned.

"Oh, please. Don't tell me you two were trying to hide it. You two were one round of hand holding away from...never mind" Rodney started sarcastically before being silenced by Jennifer's silencing eyes.

"In our defence, we've been everything but discrete about it" Kristen said sadly, sitting down beside John who put a hand on her farthest shoulder and kissed her temple.

Rodney and Jennifer watched this simple gesture and then looked at each other with ever so faint smiles on their faces. They both knew Sheppard well enough to know that this somewhat effortless gesture by the colonel was anything but typical behaviour. This woman had changed John and if they were asked for their opinion, they'd say for the very better.

"Well, in everyone else's defence, everyone I've talked to is quite happy about you two, even Woolsey. Everyone seems to think you two make quite a pair" Jennifer acknowledged, looking down over her brow at the two of them as she sat down at her desk.

Kristen looked over at John and smiled softly at him, her smile widening as he squeezed her shoulder affectionately.

"As fun as this is, I have to get going. I'm off to see a man about a horse" Kristen said nonchalantly as she rose from her stool and kissed John on the cheek. They usually made no physical contact in front of other people but it was just Jennifer and Rodney, so she knew they were okay.

While the other two looked confused, Sheppard nodded.

"I'll see you when you get back" he said as she headed out.

-------------

"What happened?"

"We were ambushed, sir. It seems as if wraith worshipping Genii have taken control of the village. The village seemed to have been abandoned when we got there so we did a little poking around and just when we were heading out, we came under attack"

His green eyes searched his team, and after three seconds he felt his heart drop to his stomach.

"She didn't make it through the gate with us and wasn't responding to radio calls once we'd gotten to the gate" Lorne said, his eyes on Sheppard as he watched the Colonel's face try and hide the fear he knew was itching at him.

"Major Leal?" he asked, his eyes going back to Lorne as if to confirm what he already knew.

"Yes sir. She didn't make it through the gate"

Sheppard looked down at his feet and around them before back at Lorne. He always did that when he was formulating a plan. Everyone knew what was coming next.

"How many Genii?"

"Around 20. Place might be crawling with wraith by now" Lorne mentioned absentmindedly, knowing that Sheppard would mount a rescue team regardless of the situation back on the planet.

"Okay. Lorne, get a team of marines and get Teldy, she'd going to lead them. I need you in a jumper, I'll meet you in the bay in five minutes" he ordered before jetting off.

This was exactly what they'd gotten in a fight about; his desperate need to protect her. If she'd still been on his team, this never would have happened. It was a long shot, but he couldn't shake this feeling of inexplicable guilt. But more than that, he couldn't shake the terrible thoughts he was thinking in his head. The thought of never seeing her again lingered briefly before he pushed it away. He had to see her again.

He needed to.

------------

The room was dark. That was the first thing she noticed when she opened her eyes. The next was the almost paralyzing pain she felt all over her body. Her arms were hanging above her, cold metal shackles clasped around her wrists that were attached by chains to either wall. She was on her knees, arms out crucifix style, head sunk low. She could taste blood in her mouth. She could feel her ankle swelling under stress that made her believe it was broken. She could hear the slow, steady drip of water. She could smell the cold, metallic scent of blood. But all she could see was darkness.

She struggled to remember what had happened. They'd be retreating slowly to the gate after finding the village abandoned and the next thing she knew, they were under attack. Shots had just begun firing when she vaguely remembered being hit on the head by something sharp and then plunging into darkness.

Next thing she knew, she was here.

She'd been stripped of her BDU's and left to hang here in just her black tank top and her black, thigh hugging sports shorts. She couldn't see what state she was in, but she knew that it was probably pretty bad. Part of her training as a Major was pain management, but she didn't know how much longer she'd be able to manage this; it seemed as if every cell in her body was screaming out in pain. She felt a gentle trickle down the back of her neck and sourced it back to the blow to the head; she had a splitting head ache and there was a spot at the base of her head behind her left ear that was positively mind numbing. She didn't know how much longer she'd last.

Suddenly, the room lit up with blinding light. She turned her head, clamping her eyes shut to prevent the light from worsening the already piercing head ache. She heard the sound of chains dropping onto metal and then a figure stepped in front of the light.

"We can do this one of two ways, Major Leal. You can either tell us the gate address to Atlantis, or we can beat it out of you. Your call"

She slowly opened her eyes and turned toward the figure, examining him. The blinding light cast only his shadow but she could see his size; he was massive. Taller and bigger than any man she'd ever seen. But more than that, at his side lay a chain whip with a barbed bell at the end. Her eyes went back to him.

"Screw you" she muttered, spitting out blood at his feet before glaring up at him menacingly.

He chuckled, turned his head to the side, nodded, and then sighed.

"Torture it is then"

-----

"John, no one's here"

He was looked at puddle jumper 2's HUD; no life signs. He didn't move his eyes from the display.

"We're gonna land and you're pulling the control crystal. See if we can find out where they took her" he said, manoeuvring the jumper to land.

"I'm not going to be able to extrapolate the exact address, I'll have a narrow field of about 50 gate addresses" Rodney said pointedly, fiddling around with his tablet.

"Still, we'll be able to cancel out some addresses and maybe get a lead" he said sternly, landing the jumper. No one said anything.

"John, there's no way I'm going to be able to—" Rodney started, signing arrogantly.

"No. Rodney, no. This is our only option here. Just...do your best" John said, holding out a hand and giving the scientist a stern look. He conveyed the message he'd really want to say with his mind to Rodney. _I can't lose her. We have to do everything._

Rodney just looked at him for a minute then nodded slowly, hitting the jumper bay doors to lower and then standing up.

"I'll see what I can do"

---------

He didn't use the whip the first time. After she'd spat at him, he'd laughed and then proceeded to back hand her sharply across the face. He paused for a second, waiting for her reaction, and then landed a punch into her gut. This went on for about ten minutes.

"Atlantis, gate address"

"Fuck. You"

"Major Leal, we're going to find the city eventually. We just want you to...expedite the process a little bit" he said, turning his head to the side.

"Are you deaf? I said fuck you" she bit, paying for the comment almost a second later as he right hooked her to the face. Blood splattered across the wall.

He laughed.

"We both know that it's only a matter of time before you break. It's just a question of whether or not you're alive when you do it, or are about to die. Once again, the choice is yours"

"For the last god damn time. Fuck—"

She was cut off by a second fist to the face.

More blood.

-------

"Any progress?" He said, striding quickly into Rodney's lab. After returning from the planet where she'd been abducted, Rodney went to work sifting through the 50 or so gate addresses they'd been able to retrieve from the planet's DHD.

"We've managed to cross off five planets so far" Rodney said, looking up from his screen guilty.

John cocked his head to the side and stared off into space. Rodney new that he'd been expecting more; a clearer image of where Kristen was. But all they had were 40 odd gate addresses and no leads. Not the best of situations.

"Look, we're doing everything we can John—" Rodney started, trying to be sympathetic.

"She's hurt"

Rodney stopped and wrinkled his brow.

"Wait, what? How do you know?" he asked sharply.

"I can feel it"

"You can feel it" he repeated, his face changing to sheer scepticism.

"Look, I'm not asking you to understand, I'm just asking for you to accept it. I can feel that she's hurt. I just want her back safe Rodney, that's all I'm asking" Sheppard said, trying to keep his temper in check. He just wanted to shout at Rodney to find her, but he knew that the scientist was doing his best.

"I'm doing my best John. You know that. Just...give me time. We'll find her. We always do" Rodney said, doing his best to re assure his friend. Sheppard nodded, hit the desk lightly with his fist and then headed out.

Their hands were tied. They had no viable leads and all of their off world contacts had no new information to offer them. They were at a standstill, and it was driving him crazy. He needed her back in his arms, within his reach, protecting her. The need to get her back was a feeling he'd never felt before, and an intensity too that he'd never known. It was consuming him; he'd never wanted something so badly before in his life. As he walked out of Rodney's lab, he made a silent vow to get her back on his team the second they found her. He needed her within his sights, and if that meant allowing her to partake in semi-dangerous missions, then so be it. At least he'd be there on hand to protect her at all times.

---

"You're strong, Major Leal. Stronger than most of the men in my army"

The lights were still on, glaring blinding white light right at her while casting the sitting figure in darkness.

She'd lost a fair amount of blood. She'd broken a few ribs, and every breath she took was beginning to be more and more painful. Apple sized bruises were beginning to form all over her body and her wrists were beginning to cut themselves against the metal shackles they were clasped in. Her situation was growing more and more dire.

But she still kept on.

"Some army" she gripped in a slow, hazy voice. She brought her head up from its hanging position and looked at the shadow clad figure, giving her version of a smirk with her bloody, cut, swollen lips. She found that the longer she held out, the stronger her will to keep holding out got. She couldn't tell the man where Atlantis was, because he'd kill her the second she broke. And she was so looking forward to killing him the second someone came to rescue her.

"You know, they aren't going to find us. Sheppard is never going to save you" the man said, cocking his head to the side the same way John always did.

That was his first mistake. Hearing Sheppard's name revived her with a newfound hope, a piece of forgotten knowledge that he was looking for her. Not just anyone. HE was. If anyone would do everything in their power to find her, it'd be him.

She brought her head up and looked at her torturer's black face. She couldn't discern any actual features, but she stared where eyes would have been.

"That was your first mistake" she said slowly, giving another smirk.

Then something happened that gave her even more joy then just hearing Sheppard's name. The man growled with anger, frustration even. She was getting to him. Even thought she was as incapacitated as could be, she was getting to him.

Looks like things were coming up Kristen.

---------

"You paged?"

"We might have something"

Sheppard stopped in his tracks for a second before bounding his way to a transporter that spat him out just outside the control room.

"What's going on?" he asked as he sprinted in, his heart beating at a thousand miles an hour.

It'd been over two days since Kristen had been missing. The entire base had been working relentlessly trying to figure out what planet she was on, but they'd only managed to cut the field down to 25 possible planets. He hadn't slept a wink since she'd been taken. He needed this.

"We just got work from an off world contact. He had information about a band of rogue, Wraith worshipping Genii that have apparently taken up shop on M5G-2938" Rodney said quickly, bringing up a schematic of the Pegasus Galaxy on screen.

"Was that one of the dialled addresses pulled from the control crystal?" John asked quickly, looking at the other team members crowded around McKay.

"Yep" Rodney said, giving Sheppard a look. He knew that look. It was the 'we got these mother fuckers' look Rodney always gave him when he figured out where the bad guys were.

John nodded, hit his ear wig, and spat out the orders he'd been formulating since she'd been captured.

"Lorne, get your team together and into a jumper in five minutes. Teldy, the same. Ramirez, I want you to join Teldy. Meet in the jumper bay in five" he said before looking at the three team members in front of him.

"Let's go"

---------

She didn't know how many breaths she had left. By her count, four ribs were broken and one was coming dangerously close to puncturing a lung. One shoulder was dislocated, 6 fingers broken and she couldn't feel her legs past her knee caps anymore. She knew that she was reaching her limit, and she could feel that her capturer knew it too.

"We can make this an easy death, Major Leal. An injection can be administered that makes your end quick and painless. Or, we can make it painful. How about you give us that address now" he said in a soft voice.

She thought about it. It had to have been at least two days since she'd been captured, and yet, Atlantis hadn't shown up yet. She had just hours, minutes, to live. _No_, she thought. _They're looking for you_. _He's looking for you_.

She wheezed in response, and let out a hazy laugh. A sharp pain stabbed her side and she stopped laughing, wincing visibly instead. She heard the man sigh.

"So be it" he said, going over and picking up the chained whip he'd abandoned days ago. Her eyes found the barbed tip and she closed her eyes. She knew what was coming.

In mere moments, she knew she was going to die. The barbed tip was going to imbed itself into her side and her heart would stop beating after finally being pushed to its maximum. As her eyes shut, she found herself playing a montage of memories in her head; in mere seconds, her life flashed before her.

When she skinned her knee when she was three and her older sister carried her all the way back to their house even though she was fine.

Her first day at school.

Her first date.

When she'd graduated high school.

When she'd enlisted in the military.

The first time she killed someone.

Atlantis.

And then, as her memory montage came to an end, she was at peace. She kept her eyes shut as she said a final prayer.

_Let them know I love them all. My parents, Cassandra, everyone at Atlantis, and John. Just...let them know I love them._

She heard the chain being pulled from the floor, and the sound of the barbed end scrapping across the stone floor.

This was it.

One final thought entered her mind.

John. She realized now, in her final moments, that he was who she saw herself with above all else. She loved him irrevocably, and she hoped to God he knew that.

The lights shut off in the room and then she was swallowed by the darkness.

---------

"Is she going to be okay, Doc?"

Jennifer looked up from the scanner. She tried to keep her face as steady as possible, but he saw right though it.

"She's in really bad shape, John. Broken bones all over, contusions on almost every part of her body, massive amounts of internal bleeding, let alone the intensive blood loss from all of her injuries. The one good thing is that she has little head injury; Kolya kept away from her head and focussed the torture on her body" she said, shaking her head.

It disgusted her how badly the Genii captain had tortured Kristen. She had broken ribs, fingers, ankles, knee caps, arms, and one dislocated shoulder. She had bruises on every inch of skin and several bad wounds on her torso. She was so badly damaged that Jennifer didn't even know where to start in fixing the Major. But more than anything, Jennifer was surprised that Kristen was still alive. She'd never seen injuries so extensive yet, Kristen's heart kept beating albeit weakly.

The doctor looked up to the colonel who was looking down at the woman in front of them. They'd found her just in the nick of time; he, Ronan and Teyla were the ones who shut off the light to the room in an attempt to distract Kolya and it had worked. As the lights shut off, the captain dropped the whip and ran to the door, only to be flown back as Ronan kicked it down. John went straight to Kristen as the two others dealt with Kolya, relieved to find her with a pulse however weak it was. They'd brought her back to Atlantis immediately, and now they were here.

He hadn't left her side or let go of her hand since they'd gotten back to the base. He latched onto her over 24 hours ago and hadn't let go since, sitting by her with both of his hands clasped around her's. He'd told Woolsey to relieve him of active duty until Kristen was okay, and the commander had readily agreed. He was going to stay by her side until she woke up, and when she did wake up, he was going to promise to her that he was never going to leave her.

---------

She was kept in a medically induced coma for a week since the pain of her injuries would have been too much for her to handle otherwise. Her bones had been set and were healing nicely, the wounds were healing as well and the bruises were fading. Jennifer had brought her out of the coma yesterday afternoon, but she'd remained asleep.

Keeping true to his word, John hadn't left her side. He slept by her, and left only to shower and get food. He spent the time catching up on paperwork and reading but more than anything, he passed the time thinking about the things he was going to say when she woke up.

He had a speech planned in his head outlining exactly how he felt about her. If anything good were to come from her torturing, it was going to be that he realized just exactly how much she meant to him. He wasn't going to tolerate her getting hurt again and not knowing just how much he loved her.

Others came at intervals to visit her as well. Teyla, Ronan, McKay and Keller all spent time at her bed side, regaling both Sheppard and Kristen of stories about their pasts and presents. Others came by as well, but those four remained the most consistent.

It'd been about twenty four hours after she'd been brought out of the coma when he'd felt one of her fingers twitch ever so slightly in his palm. He looked up from his book immediately, breath held in his chest, waiting for a confirmation that he hadn't been dreaming. Seconds past, the almost indiscernibly, her eyelids flickered and her head turned minutely to the side.

He let out the breath.

He dropped his book on the ground and stood up, leaning over her to brush her hair out of her eyes so she could see. A second later, he watched as her eyelids flickered more visibly and then open. She blinked rapidly a few times, adjusting to the light, then looked straight up at him.

He had his breath sucked straight from him just by one single look.

Her swollen, bruised lips curved upwards in an ever so faint smile.

"Hi"

He looked down at her, his green eyes sweeping her face before landing back onto her chocolate brown eyes. He called over his shoulder for a doctor and then looked back down. He'd never felt the way he'd felt right now, staring at the one person who meant more to him than he'd ever imagined anyone could. She'd taken him, shaken him upside down, and turned him into a completely different man. And he couldn't be more thrilled.

"Hi"

**((Author's Note:** **Hey everyone. So I know a lot of you are wondering why I didn't break this into chapters. I know a lot happens in this one-shot, but I don't see the story going anywhere from here. It's long, but hopefully it kept your interest along the way and brought you to the finish. Please review and let me know your thoughts, but flames should be avoided if possible. Thanks ))**


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